This section is here to help the Cal State LA community better understanding the feelings most often associated with loss, and how to care for yourself during this difficult time.
Grief is a natural response to the death of someone significant to you. While grief, is natural, the feelings that accompany it can be intense, painful, and overwhelming. Understanding your emotions and taking steps toward supporting yourself are important in honoring your loss and integrating the change.
Reminder: Cal State LA's Student Health Center and Counseling & Psychological Services is available for individual counseling and referrals to bereavement services near you.
Navigating Grief and Loss
Caring for Our Golden Eagles Through Times of Loss
In the first few weeks or months after a death, you may ride a “roller-coaster” of shifting emotions. These reactions are unpredictable—and not everyone will experience them the same way. Here are several common grief responses:
Shock/Disbelief: A numbing, disorienting sense that the death hasn’t really happened. If the death was sudden, violent, or unanticipated, this may be intensified. Your mind may say: “This can’t be true.” These symptoms commonly last several hours to several days.
Anger: A frequently overlooked emotion in grief. You may feel anger at health professionals, family members, at your God, at yourself, or even at the person who died. Anger may cause you to push others away, which may unintentionally alienate them.
Guilt / Regret: Guilt often involves believing you did something morally wrong; by contrast, regret is wishing you had done things differently. You may blame yourself for "not doing enough" or regret unresolved conflicts with the person who died.
Sadness: A deep sense of loss and pervasive sadness. There may be moments when you can express the sadness, and moments when you have no words or tears.
Fear: You may feel anxious or panicked—fear about continuing without your loved one, anxiety about your own mortality, or physical symptoms like sleep or appetite disturbance.
Depression: Periods of melancholy may lead to withdrawing, losing interest in usual activities, feeling helpless or hopeless. Physical symptoms (fatigue, aches, poor digestion) or cognitive symptoms (distractibility, indecisiveness) may occur.
Acceptance: Over time, emotions may begin to stabilize, and you may come to terms with a “new” reality. While your loved one is irreplaceable, you may feel you can begin to move forward. This is a time of readjustment and potential growth.
Grieving the death of someone is not bound by a timetable. Mourning can last anywhere from weeks to months or even years. Many carry the memory of their loved one throughout life. While there’s no “cure” for grief, here are several ways to support yourself:
Time: Take time for yourself. Don’t try to juggle all of your usual responsibilities immediately after a loss.
Caring: Allow yourself to receive care and expressions of support from others, even when it feels difficult or awkward.
Connecting: Supporting someone else who shares the loss may bring closeness and mutual comfort.
Practice Self-Care: Grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Small acts of nourishment (a hot bath, a nap, a walk, a short trip) or looking forward to something (lunch with a friend, a movie) can help. Don’t underestimate the healing power of small pleasures.
Goals: Life may feel meaningless for a while. Start with small goals—living moment-by‐moment, or one day at a time. As time passes, longer-range goals may help provide structure and direction.
Be Patient with Yourself: After periods of feeling better, you may find yourself back in old feelings of sadness or anger. That’s normal. Grief is not linear—allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.
Hope: You may find hope and comfort from those who’ve experienced similar loss, learning what helped them and realizing that, over time, healing is possible.
Be Aware of Substance Use: While alcohol or other substances (including prescription medications) may seem to ease pain temporarily, their excessive use may prolong or complicate the grieving process.
Permission to Change Your Mind: Grief often brings uncertainty—about priorities, life directions, commitments. If you make plans, let others know you may need flexibility.
Prepare for Holidays & Anniversaries: Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries of death often reactivate feelings of longing and sadness—even when you’ve “moved on.” Be gentle with yourself, allow more private time, or choose to be around others.
Reach for Support: While internal and community resources help, professional help adds extra support when needed. Signs you may need professional help: uncontrollable anger, worsening depression, isolation, suicidal thoughts, or feelings of helplessness/hopelessness.
At Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), free grief support is available through individual counseling. You don’t have to go through this alone—support is here when you’re ready.
When someone close to you dies, you navigate both your internal grief and returning to your usual routines—like classes or work. Here are some suggestions for a smoother transition:
Be easy on yourself: You may feel less productive, less focused—your mind and reflexes may be slower. Be gentle.
Take time to grieve: Consider setting aside moments in the day to remember your loved one. Let others know you might need a moment of privacy, a place to compose yourself.
Consider how much you want to share: Some find talking with classmates, lab mates, or colleagues helpful; others prefer solace in private. Choose people you trust, and know you can decide what you share.
Be understanding with others: Some peers or co-workers may feel awkward or uncertain how to approach you. You can let them know your preference: e.g., “It’s okay to ask how I’m doing” or “I’d prefer not to talk about this right now.”
Keep your instructor/supervisor informed: If you’re struggling (fatigue, concentration, overwhelm), inform your professor, supervisor, or department. They may help adjust workload, deadlines, or provide accommodations.
Losing someone to suicide is an especially painful and complex experience. It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, confusion, anger, guilt, or disbelief. During this difficult time, reaching out for professional support can make a meaningful difference in coping and healing.
At Cal State LA, confidential mental health support is available to students who are grieving or affected by a suicide in the campus community.
- For students: Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) provides free, confidential counseling and support from licensed mental health professionals. Contact them at (323) 343-3300 or if after hours at (323) 343-3313.
- If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts:
Dial 988 for free, confidential support from trained crisis counselors, anytime and anywhere in the U.S.
Spanish Language Line: 1‑888‑628‑9454
Support is also available in over 150 languages through Tele‑Interpreter services.
If you are experiencing an emergency or an immediate threat of harm to yourself or others, please call 911* or contact University Police at (323) 343-3700
Grief is unique, personal, and does not follow a timetable. It's okay if you feel a mix of emotions, or if your healing process looks different than you expected. The steps above are intended as a guide to help you care for yourself as you navigate loss-while also reminding you that support is available.
*This material was adapted (with modifications) from content by the University of California, Berkeley.
Additional Resources
During times of loss, we understand that additional support may be needed. Below are resources available to assist students, faculty, and staff affected by a student's passing: