Overcoming Self-Doubt and Pursuing Higher Education
As a first-generation Chinese American, growing up, I’ve always had self-doubt because of the belief that was instilled in me at a young age that college was for intelligent and wealthy people. In China, only the privileged were able to attend college. As a girl growing up in China, you would be fortunate if you were given the chance to graduate from high school. My mother was only able to complete elementary school. Luckily for my little sister and I, our grandfather paved the way for us to come to America to provide us with a better future. I started school in the U.S. at the age of 8. I was placed in ESL classes because I was learning English as my second language.
As a first-generation and first-born college student, it was hard to navigate college, and the difficulties that came with it, on my own, especially when my single mother and grandparents did not understand what it was like to be in my shoes. Being first-generation comes with many challenges and benefits. Here is what my honest experience was like as a first-generation college student at Cal State LA. I had a lack of understanding; I didn’t know I had imposter syndrome, and finances were a big challenge for me. I didn’t even know what college was or that I had to apply until a few months before my high school graduation when my biology teacher asked what college I was applying to. I am forever grateful to have met people I called my guardian angels along my educational journey. People do come into your life for a reason. With the guidance of my high school Biology teacher, he showed me how to apply to Cal State LA and EOP. He took the time on me, and for that, I will forever be in his debt.
Balancing Family Obligations and College Challenges
My single mother and my grandmother raised my sister and I. They were loving and caring, but they could not relate to my experience first-hand as a first-generation college student and had difficulty genuinely understanding it all. At times, I felt like I was the parent in our household because I had to take on the responsibility of being not just the family translator but also handling all their affairs. After all, they did not speak or understand English. They could not comprehend why I struggled to balance a part-time job, academics, and personal life at home, which was sometimes frustrating. My family obligations prevented me from having time for the usual fun that came with college, like attending social events, joining clubs, and participating in extracurricular opportunities like internships. Looking back now, this is the one area I would have done differently. I should have allowed myself to truly explore and enjoy all the opportunities the university had to offer.
I remember that applying for Federal Student Aid was an intimidating process when I did it for the first time. It was nerve-racking because I did not know the answers to most of the questions on the application. Thankfully, the staff at the Financial Aid office was extremely helpful with my millions of questions, which took much of the stress off me. I didn’t feel so alone anymore with the process. At Cal State LA, I met other first-generation students in the Educational Opportunity Program (EOP) and in my major program who understood the challenges I was facing. This helped with my imposter syndrome and my feeling like I did not belong, with the support of the outstanding professors whom I got to know well in my program, my advisor, and administrators at Cal State LA, who took the time to guide and help me navigate my college journey and beyond. Because of their efforts and kindness, my life and the lives of my loved ones will be forever changed for the better.
Advice to First-Gen Students
You do not have to go at it alone. Asking for help can be challenging, but we all need help sometimes, and that’s okay. While your parents may not be able to relate or understand your time at college, others can if you open yourself up. When you share your challenges with others, you can build a support system, making the experience less lonely. It is easy to feel isolated as a first-generation student, but EOP provided me with a sense of community with other first-generation and underrepresented students that I didn’t know I needed. I did not consider how important it is to surround myself with those who understand me. Their experiences have enriched my life in ways I did not know was possible.
I had many uncertainties and challenges as a first-generation student, but it also made me independent and resilient. Without having to conquer these struggles of being first generation and without the opportunity and guidance Cal State LA has provided me throughout this journey, I do not believe I would be the person I am today. I am humbled and thankful for these experiences; it has taught me a lot of valuable life tools that I can pass on to my children, nieces, nephews, to my community, and generations to come. Your stories bring a unique perspective to campus, and your success can inspire others in your families and community to pursue higher education. Higher education continues to be an essential driver of upward mobility.
You think you are changing your life by going to college, but you have yet to learn of the ripple effects this will have. Believe in yourself! I wasn’t the smartest in school; I had to be street-smart because of where I grew up. I made mistakes along the way, but I never gave up, I know you can too! Remember, our start in life does not define our future or how far we can go. Own your experience and make it a good one! Always pay it forward whenever possible, and lastly, but most importantly, be kind to yourself with self-care. Give yourself permission to succeed, live in the present moment, enjoy your college experience, and know that you do belong.