Fox Mulder(X-Files): You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this *chicken* doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents AND balance your checkbook. Unfortunately, when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" But is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Ronald Reagan: I don't recall.

L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein a2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed it, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. (I really liked this one)

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Ross Perrot: These charts prove that we can no longer afford to allow chickens to cross the road.

Erich Maria Remarque: The chicken crossed the road because, after his experience with war, he no longer felt at home in his home.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Mulder(X-Files): It was a government conspiracy.

Scully(X-Files): It was a simple big-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.