Classroom Management Resource Page   –   Shindler   –   School Climate   –   PLSI   –    Teaching   -    Workshops by JVS

Chapter 15: Changing the Negative Identity Pattern and Succeeding with the More Challenging Student Behavior

From Transformative Classroom Management. By John Shindler. ©2008

Reproduction is unlawful without permission

 

In this Chapter  

·                     Changing the Negative Identity Pattern

·                     Bridging the Gap with Disconnected Students

·                     Using Reality Therapy and Student Contacts for Chronic Problems

·                     Supporting Students with ADHD

 

Often the problems we experience with just one or a small number of our students can cause us to experience a great deal of distress and even make us feel like we are generally failing with a whole class.  In this chapter, we examine how to take effective action in meeting the more significant behavioral challenges that we face so that we can promote more functional behavior and a healthier climate for all of our students.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-a: Recall classes that you have taught, observed, or have been a student. Were there students whose behavior presented a greater challenge to the teacher? How significant were these students’ impact on the class? In what ways did they affect the learning and the climate in the room? The answer to this question should underscore the importance of having a systematic approach to dealing with the difficult students.

 

 

Defining Level I, IIa, IIb, and III Types of Problems

In Chapters 9, 10 and 11, we examined how to effectively create a sound and functional social contract that included logical consequences, and how to implement action steps for those cases in which students chose to violate their agreement to the contract. We could refer to those situations as level I problems – students fail to comprehend expectations or just make bad choices out of carelessness or immaturity. Most contract violations fall in this category. However, occasionally we find ourselves confronted with problems that are more substantial than simple contract violations. We can refer to these problems as level II problems (See Table 15.1). They are the result of either a) a student deliberately choosing to reject their social contract responsibilities or b) a fundamental pattern of student behavior that will not likely change on their own and left unchanged may do a great deal of harm to the welfare of the class as a whole. These level IIb types of problems are typically rooted in more substantial deep-seated conditions. Therefore the strategies we need to use to succeed with the dysfunctional behavior that stems from these conditions will need to go beyond (but likely include) delivering clear and logical consequences. Organic conditions such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) require a separate distinction. So we might refer to these neurologically based conditions as Level III problems. We will address these later in the chapter.

 

 

Table 15.1: Levels of Classroom Behavioral Problems and Examples of Each

 

Description

Out of School Example

Classroom Example

Level I

Student actions that violate the classroom rules and/or social contract. Typically rooted in forgetfulness, lack of understanding, or carelessness.

 

Person carelessly exceeds the speed limit, or runs a stop sign because they were not paying attention.

Student carelessly leaves a mess at a work station, or student talks to a neighbor when the expectation is that they are listening.

Level IIa

Students knowingly reject their commitment to the social contract in words or actions. Typically rooted in defiance, a desire for power, or a cry for help.

 

Person knowingly drives too fast and in a risky manner because they are late.

Student refuses to clean up their area or deliberately continues to talk when the expectation is that they are to be attentive to the speaker.

Level IIb

Student exhibits dysfunctional behavior on a regular basis. Typically rooted in a deeply conditioned pattern of thinking and ego defense.

Person drives recklessly, using their vehicle as a means to work out their aggressiveness and for self-satisfaction without concern for the safety of others.

Student has a tendency to disrupt the work of other group members any time they feel the task is too challenging in an attempt to meet their needs for competence and power, or student exhibits a compulsive need for attention.

 

Level III

Student experiences a struggle with their behavior and has an biological/organic basis to their lack of self control which may involve a legitimate case of ADHD.

Person is incapable of stopping and attending for long. They seem to need to continuously make some sort of noise.

Student struggles to attend for long periods of time and feels a compulsive need to move and talk – even though they wish they could and feel guilty that they cannot.

 

Level IIb Problems

Level IIb types of behavioral problems (See Table 15.1) commonly include the following situations:

1.      Students who have developed a pattern of negative identity

2.      Students who have developed chronic, compulsive or habitual inappropriate behavior.

3.      Cases in which there is a pronounced disconnect or “gap” between the expectations, values and desires of one of more students and those of the teacher.

 

Very often these more substantive types of challenges include students exhibiting an external locus of control and consequent faulty sense of cause and effect, a failure psychology, and/or the student attempting to meet their basic needs with means that are both unhealthy and just will not work within what is good for the class.

 

At the heart of these level IIb behavioral challenges is a student who has experienced a great deal of dysfunctional conditioning before coming to us, and this conditioning is likely being reinforced outside of the class as well. What stands between the student and functional behavior is our ability to help them recognize and become conscious of the dysfunctional conditioning within themselves and to assist them as they alter it or at least work with it in a productive manner. While level I types of problems do not require much recognition of deep seeded patterns and unconscious conditioning, without this recognition solving level II problems will be inherently impossible. You may be saying to yourself, “But I am not a psychologist, I am just a teacher.” We may not need to be expert psychologists to succeed with these level IIb behavioral challenges, but if we are to be effective we do need to attempt to recognize the difference between a student’s conscious choice and something that is strongly influencing their behavior that they are unconscious of and do not seem to be entirely choosing.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-b: Recall a student that you would classify as a chronic behavior problem student. Would you say that the student was happy or at peace with him/herself? It may seem like an obvious answer, but it helps us shift our focus to what is going on with the student rather than simply why what they are doing is a problem.

 

 

To succeed with level IIb types of problems, we need to take on an intentional, proactive and positive mindset.  Therefore we need to begin by doing the following:

  1. Stop owning the student’s behavior and/or taking it personally. Stay in the present moment and avoid dwelling on past events. It may help to focus on the success we are having with the rest of the students.
  2. Avoid self-limiting labels such as “bad students” or “behavioral problem.” When we label the student to ourselves we reinforce the idea that problem is a fixed condition. We take on what Dweck (2000) refers to as a “helpless pattern” approach to dealing with it. We make a challenge into a plight and go from being a teacher to a victim.
  3. Accept we do have the ability to change the pattern or at least get things moving in the right direction, if we are systematic and consistent. So, we need to let go of our resentment, and fatalistic thinking that is so easy to do in these situations.  Instead, we must take positive action. Action is the antidote to despair.
  4. Stop assuming that negativity, punishment, passive aggressiveness, or projecting disappointment are doing anything but making things worse.  We need to be able to look the student in the eye and send the message, that a) we like them and believe they can do better, b) that what they are doing is going to change, and c) we need them to change it ASAP. 
  5. Avoid relying on external authorities to solve the problem. Sending the student to the Principal or calling home may be occasionally necessary, but they send the message that we lack the authority, desire and/or ideas to make the situation better. Work with the student to solve the problem in-house instead of out-sourcing the problem to others.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-c: When you recall the response by school personnel to troubled and behaviorally challenging to students that you have seen in your years in and around schools, 1) how many of the interventions that were used would you say met the criteria above? 2) How many of those students ultimately improved their behavior? Do you see a relationship between the two?

 

Examining the Nature of the Negative-Identity Pattern

 

Negative-Identity Pattern Case Example:

We have developed a solid social contract in our class(s) by the 4th week of the year.  Most students are very clear about your expectations.  However, we have a student who always seems to be testing us.  He/She constantly seems to find some reason to be off task and annoy other students. Whatever the expectation is, she/he seems to take joy in doing the opposite and/or something to hinder the other students’ efforts.  We have given him/her the (level I) consequences that have worked well for the other students, and we have made it clear to her/him that what he/she is doing is unacceptable.  But things have not changed, as she/he seems to enjoy being a clown and a fool for the other students. And we notice that Mondays are usually his/her worst days.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-d: Do you know a student like this one? Keep them in mind as we explore the idea of negative-identity.

 

 

If we approach this student from a crime and punishment paradigm, or hope that someday the behavior will improve, most likely we will be battling this student for the rest of the year. Moreover, no matter how much we explain to this student how “bad” he/she is acting and how much they need to “straighten up and fly right,” their behavior is unlikely to change. Yet, we cannot just let them do what they are doing, because they probably will, and that is neither just for the rest of the class, good for our mental health, nor good for the student himself/herself. We need instead to see inside the student’s pattern and undertake a process to change it.

 

The problem behavior depicted in the case above could best be characterized as a negative-identity pattern. The negative identity student can take many forms including the class clown, the antagonist, the failure/quitter, the victim, the perpetually angry, the sadist, or the tough/bad kid. We may or may not have done anything to encourage the problem, but if we do not want to engage in a perpetual struggle with this type of behavior in the future, we need to take purposeful, and well-conceived action.  As the saying goes, “nothing changes until something changes.” And like it or not we are probably the one who needs to initiate the change process if we want to see improvement.

 

Changing the Negative-Identity Behavior Pattern of a Student

Most students see themselves trying to achieve success (i.e., perform successfully, learning, fostering friendships, achieve goals, etc.), using positive behavior such as making an effort, being productive, or doing what they perceive as the “right thing.”  Most of us reading this now, can probably relate to the idea of trying to develop a positive identity. The more we have tried to reach our goals, succeed socially, acquire skills, and attain some level of positive recognition from others, the more we attach those positive attributes to ourselves, thus forming some degree of positive-identity. While we all have unconscious patterns that keep us from acting with full awareness of why we do what we do, and often making choices that we are not proud of, we typically seek to be generally functional and productive.  However, occasionally students will enter our class who have developed a pattern of dysfunctional behavior.  In these cases, if the problem is not organic (i.e., Level III problems such as ADHD, FAS, or a mental or emotional disability), it is usually related the student having been conditioned into a negative-identity pattern.  All of us carry some form of this conditioning, as a result of each of our ego’s needs to protect itself from feeling guilty, inadequate, unworthy or unloved, but for some students this becomes a primary mode of operation. These students spend a great deal of time in a defensive or reactive mode that for them has become at the same time normal,  as well as in the larger scheme of things largely unconscious and self-destructive.

 

In many cases this negative identity appears as a student who would prefer to be the “best worst” rather than a “nobody” or a failure. While on the surface this may not make sense to us, it makes a great deal of sense when we reflect on the fact that on a fundamental psychological level, the opposite of love it not hate, but indifference. Who wants to be a zero? Who is capable of surviving without the basic need of love and belonging being met? Moreover, as we dig deeper into most negative-identity patterns, we will recognize that at the heart of the problem is a psychological co-mingling of pain and love. In the face of a deep-seeded sense of worthlessness, inadequacy, vulnerability and/or guilt it makes sense that the ego would find a way to compensate for the unbearable condition.

 

As we begin to operationalize the negative identity pattern and examine it more closely, it is useful to keep in mind that for some students it is exhibited perpetually, and for others it is drawn out by environmental triggers, and so only comes out in certain situations. For some students their unconsciousness and negative identity projection is displayed almost continuously, they may even go to great lengths to initiate conflict and drama to confirm their negative identity. For others, we only see their negative identity pattern arise in certain situations when they have gotten certain buttons pushed that trigger a reaction that activates their source of inner pain.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-e: They may not be comfortable memories, but it is helpful when understanding the negative-identity student to reflect on times in our lives when we have done destructive, ugly, selfish, embarrassing, or hurtful things in an effort to gain love, recognition of others or acceptance of the group. Did a part of your self know that what you were doing was not very good? Your ability to ignore that voice should give you some compassion and understanding for the negative-identity student.

 

 

To make sense of the pattern, it is useful to examine it within its behavioral roots.  And explore the roles of reinforcement, shaping, and social learning in how it is formed and/or reformed. In a positive identity cycle, as the individual tries, they are reinforced to some degree by a desirable outcome and therefore have an incentive to continue to attempt positive behavior. However, in the negative identity acquisition cycle (depicted in Figure 15.1), when the student attempts positive behavior - e.g., they attempt assigned work, they try to be liked, they attempt a difficult task - commonly they receive little or no positive reinforcement (see Figure 15.1, point #1) – e.g., they receive grades below their level of satisfaction, they feel as though they don’t fit in, or they fail at the particular task.  As a result, their basic needs for love, power and competence are not adequately met and their negative self-image is confirmed (i.e., it triggers an internal feeling of pain related to their sense of worthlessness, inadequacy, guilt, etc) . However, when they attempt negative behavior – e.g., they are annoying, fail spectacularly, effect others in some way that is disruptive to the class, etc - they are given attention and experience a feeling of satisfaction and power (see Figure 15.1, point #2).  When viewed within the lens of basic satisfaction, this reaction is understandable (i.e., the opposite of love is not hate but indifference). The result is a behavior that has been reinforced and is as a result is more likely to happen in the future.

 

However, what feels like success is actually an addictive cycle that is digging the student an ever deeper hole. Aside from the negative behavior being, in many cases, dysfunctional for all concerned, what they likely do not understand is that while it may feel satisfying for the moment and even necessary to cope with a sense of inner pain, it will neither satisfy their basic needs nor ease the pain for long. In fact, the stronger the pattern becomes the more likely the student will be in denial of the problem.

 

Figure 15.1. Events of the Negative-Identity Pattern Acquisition and Maintainance Cycle

 

                                                Student attempts negative behavior

1                                                                                                                                                                Others respond, are affected, get upset

And/or give lots of attention

2                                                                Student attempts positive behavior

Others’ language confirms

“identity.” Negative self-image develops

student experiences rejection or indifference

4Student feels like a failure – experiences an

unfavorable comparison to others

 

3student chooses more

negative behavior

 

 

When we examine the negative-identity cycle as depicted in Figure 15.1, the early points of the cycle represents the reinforcement of behavior by others. Given the reinforcement for their negative behavior, it is understandable that the student continues to choose it over more socially acceptable behavior (point #3). Moreover, as their behavior becomes more public and regular, they develop an identity and/or reputation that further satisfies their need for love and power (point #4). Over time, this public identity becomes a relatively stable (negative) self-image.

 

Helping the Student Change their Pattern

            The key to transforming a negative-identity cycle into a more positive-identity cycle is to first, alter the system, and then second, to reconstruct it.  As we examine the process of ending the cycle and then replacing the dysfunctional behaviors with those that are more functional and healthy, it is useful to keep in mind that there are two important variables in the process, 1) love and 2) learning. First, the change must involve a new mechanism for getting the need for love and belonging met. Second, the change must involve learning new skills and ways to function – skills that may be foreign to the student presently. Success will necessarily involve the student replacing old behaviors with new ones, and recognizing that those new behaviors achieve something worthwhile and satisfying. The stages of the cycle take place continuously, but we will deal with each phase separately here.

 

A good starting point is the use of extinction at phase 1.  Extinction refers to the removal of a reinforcing stimulus.  In this instance, the reinforcement that is motivating the student’s negative behavior is probably somewhat complex, but it likely includes teachers and students getting annoyed, laughing, being shocked, or giving pity after the student exhibits dysfunctional/inappropriate behavior.  So while we may assume that getting upset, punishing the student, or even the public scorn will work to discourage the unwanted behavior, what is actually happening, is that these types of reactions act to reinforce the behavior. The student is seeking pain and confirmation of their negative identity and these responses act to meet these needs. Therefore, we need to eliminate our behavior that reinforces the negative identity producing reaction.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-f: Reflect on what happens when we remove a long-standing reinforcement from an animal, including a human. If a behavior has gotten reinforced regularly, and then that reinforcement is removed, what happens? Does the behavior stop right away? It may be useful to recall the classic example of the lab rat that is placed in a box, and given a pellet of food each time it hits a bar. In the example, hitting the bar is the conditioned behavior and the food is the reinforcement. When the researcher takes the food away, so that when the rat hits the bar nothing happens, what is the rat’s response? Like any animal that has been conditioned, it will be to elicit the response (i.e., hit the bar) more vigorously. When the battery runs out on your television remote, what do you do?

 

 

Instead of giving the negative attention that the student is used to, we should attempt to recognize the nature of the pattern, determine the reinforcing stimuli the student is attempting to achieve with their behavior and then go about removing them. So in all cases, if we want to effect change, it will be essential to stop getting mad, going negative and/or implementing a pain-based form of response. However, since you are removing the reinforcing stimulus, be prepared for an “extinction burst,” the intensity of which depends on the strength of the previous behavioral reinforcement.  This burst or exaggeration of behavior is an attempt to illicit the desired response that has been removed.  It will not last forever, but it may appear dramatic.  For example, if the negative behavior was to be annoying, the student will become especially annoying. If the negative behavior was to be a clown to get attention, expect the student to increase their efforts to get a reaction, if the audience stops laughing. It is important to keep in mind that because the extinction burst can be so unpleasant, that very often efforts to change negative-identity patterns are not able to withstand the discomfort to the teacher and/or the class of the burst negative behavior.  Parents know how difficult it is not to give in to a tantrum.  But after the burst, expect the behavior to eventually subside.

 

You might be thinking, “I can’t just ignore the student, their behavior is unacceptable and is disrupting the whole class.” This may be true. So, it is important to make a clear distinction here between discipline and the negative reaction the student seeks.  In fact, they are unrelated. While we need to cease giving the student the pain and negativity that they have been conditioned to expect, we do not need to refrain from giving healthy, logical and non-personal consequences when they violate the social contract.  And as we will discuss later in this chapter, a personal behavioral contract with individualized consequences may be beneficial as well.

 

 

Connecting Love and Pain: Exploring the Early Years of the Negative Identity Pattern Student’s Life. In many cases, a negative identity pattern is the evidence of an adult-child interaction that began at a very young age.  When the child was very young, most likely before they could speak and reason, an adult sent them the message that they were bad, worthless, or incapable. Being too young to be able to judge the validity of the message, the young person takes that information as a fact. And as a result 1) they learn to believe the negative message, and 2), they create a psychological connection between pain and love. The people who gave them pain, were also the people who gave them love. So in their unconscious mind they connect the two feelings. Over time the experience of pain, becomes a familiar reinforcement that, in a convoluted way, is experienced as a kind of counterfeit love. To the reader who does not connect the two, that may seem odd. But recall that the young child does not have the rational processes to recognize the irrational nature of the relationship that they have made, and by the age that they do, the unconscious interconnection has been made, and the behavior pattern has been conditioned.  So while it might sound odd, like the child born addicted to a drug, the negative identity pattern child emerges in life with some degree of an addiction to pain, and the feelings of worthlessness or inferiority that they experienced as a very young person. And as a result they seek it out as well as situations in which they negative identity will be conformed.  So when we become frustrated with the student’s lack of progress toward more functional behavior, it is good to keep in mind that the mechanism that is supporting their negative behavior pattern is deep-seated and typically far below their level of awareness. Yet, while it may be tempting to attempt to delve into the unconscious places in their mind that to help free the student from their false identity, it will be more helpful to support the emergent new identity and help them recognize that they are good, valuable, capable and accepted.

 

 

Early in the change process, it will be important for us to make an effort to promote more positive behavior from the student.  That means helping them meet their basic needs especially competence and love/belonging.  So often a sense of inadequacy is at the heart of the problem.  The student may not appear fearful and insecure. They may even exhibit the opposite.  Yet, it does not mean that it is not there beneath the surface.

 

Additionally, keep in mind that likely the most powerful reinforcement is going to come from peers.  It will not be easy, but the teacher needs to create an emotionally safe classroom environment.  Intolerance of put downs and the development of healthy “life affirming” language is necessary.  Mantras are helpful, such as “in this class, we only encourage each other to act in ways that are positive for ourselves and for the class as a whole.”  Modeling by the teacher and student role models can be a valuable learning tool as well.  Recall the social learning model, consistency is critical throughout the process. Responses that reinforce the negative identity, can trigger a relapse, and undo a great deal of our hard work.

 

To support the student in their effort to form more functional behavior, it may be useful in the process to help the student identify a plan that includes behavioral goals to work toward. The Reality Therapy process described later in the chapter can be useful in our efforts with the negative identity student. This plan should define behaviors that are a) within the student’s control, and b) explicitly stated in behavioral terms (e/g., positive self-talk, persistence when frustrated, raising hand before speaking, being considerate of other, etc.). The student needs to have a concrete understanding of and a commitment to their goals.  This is where the practice of shaping will be very critical.  The teacher needs to reinforce (i.e., recognize, note in assessments, reward, etc.) attempts by the student to achieve their goals of positive behavior even if they are not entirely successful.  If the teacher reinforces behavior that is close to that desired, the student will be able to build up to full goal achievement. For example, if we observe the student demonstrating behavior that is a good effort toward one of their goals, we should take the opportunity to personally recognize the student for that effort.  In many cases, they would not have realized that they had made progress unless we had pointed it out.  In addition, public recognition of the student for their positive progress can be powerful, as long as it is sincere and well-timed.  Public positive recognitions can accomplish supporting both the student’s need for love and their process of learning new ways of operating.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15 –h: As we begin to better understand the negative-identity student, it will be helpful to keep in mind that there is a part of them that wants to return to the familiar (albeit dysfunctional) negative behavior. At stage three they are like an addict that is currently “on the wagon.” They are letting themselves trust us, and sticking their neck out. What would you predict the problems would be for a person making a life change from an old mindset and set of behaviors to new and unfamiliar thinking and actions? What do they need from you at this stage of the process, and what should you avoid?

 

 

Watch out for the student’s attempts to sabotage their success. Help the student adopt the language of an internal locus of control. Don’t allow them to use negative self-talk, victim language, dwell on comparisons, or co-mingle their assessment of their academic performance with their self worth. Focusing on process and effort are good antidotes to the resurgence of a “failure psychology.” If the student experiences failure and/or a lack of support toward his/her goals, at any time, they will be inclined to revert to the comfort of their negative identity behavior. And it should be emphasized that throughout the process the teacher needs to maintain a high degree of trust with the student. But keep in mind that the addiction still exists and may forever. Even if it is not apparent, it can be triggered by acute failure, rejection, humiliation, shame or any profound emotion that triggers the pain reaction familiar to that student.

T,S,O
 

 

 

 

 

 

 


As the student increasingly internalizes their new goals and identity, it is essential that we help the class support their efforts. We need to be absolutely intolerant of any labeling by peers or the student themselves that promotes a negative-identity.  We should use the power of labels to the student’s advantage.  Refer to them with labels that support their process of transformation, and the development of a success psychology.  For example, we might use such confirming terms as “team player,” “winner,” “brilliant,” “persistent,” “selfless,” “scholar,” “industrious,” etc. They may look at use like we are being corny but their internal reaction will be powerful.

 

 Also, we need to send the message both implicitly and with explicit mantras that “In this class, there are no “bad kids,” “fools,” “dumb kids,” “losers,” ‘”failures,” or “helpless victims.” To support the students positive identity, it will be useful to put them in situations in which they are able to experience a sense of contributing to the welfare of others, and when possible a leadership role.  We will want to encourage the ethic in the class that “when we support each other, we all win.” This ethic was displayed powerfully in the film Educating Peter (Wurzburg and Goodwin, 1992), in which a whole class of 5th graders supported the growth and learning of one mentally and emotionally disabled student.

 

Table 15.2 outlines a survey of some of the various forms of negative identity patterns. It is likely that each of us will recognize ourselves in at least one of them. The better that we grow out of that pattern the better teachers we will be. Chapter 17 will may be helpful in this process. And understanding our own journey of growth and self-awareness will be of great value as we assist our student in their process of growth. The table identifies the  external trigger or reinforcer for each type of pattern. For students with weaker patterns it may take a substantial external event to trigger the inner ego response that perpetuates the negative identity. For other students, they keep their reactive pattern activated almost continuously. These students are on the lookout for something to trigger their negative reaction. Likewise, for each type of pattern a set of teacher supports is offered.

 

Table 15.2 Types of Negative Identities, Descriptions, triggers, and teacher support needed

Negative Identity Pattern

What the students ego is telling them – which is not true in reality, but may seem monumentally critical and real to the student.

 

External Reinforcement/

Trigger of the pattern

Teacher Support Needed

Victim/Poor Me /Guilt Complex

This student’s ego is telling them that life is unfair and out to get them. The ego says that if they accept responsibility of their actions they will feel guilty and bad. Underneath is a sense of being unloved and unwanted. What it looks like is an endless string of excuses and reasons why things cannot go right, and a desire to have others absolve them and confirm that “it is not their fault.”

 

Pity from others.

 

Confirmation that they have an excuse, and not responsible or to blame.

First, the student needs to experience a clear sense that we accept them and believe in them. Second, we need to help the student recognize what they are saying when they ask for absolution from blame and responsibility. Third, we need to help them take responsibility for their actions and see that it actually feels better in the end than avoiding blame.

 

Dangerous/Intimidating

This student’s ego is telling them that if they act scary enough they will be able to keep people away, and so they can attribute being alone to that, so they do not have to feel unloved.  Underneath it all is a desperate need to be loved and feel connect, and a fear of rejection. What it looks like is a student who dresses, acts and affiliates themselves in ways that make other want to steer clear. Their expression is “don’t mess with me.”

 

The intimidation of others.

 

People looking uncomfortable and uneasy around them.

First, the student needs to know that we are a caring adult and we see them as a good kid, but just a kid like the others. Second, we need to define our relationship with them not by anything related to their external identifiers or reputation, but the positive goals, behaviors and accomplishments that they make in our class. Third, when they become unconscious and try to put on the intimidating act, we will simply want to ignore the show and refocus them on the practical work of the class.

Failure/Helpless/Self-Sabotage

This students ego is telling them that it is easier to quit than have to deal with the pain of losing or doing below their high expectations.  What might look like inferiority is actually more likely an inner sense of superiority.  Because the student needs to be better than other, they fear comparison and so find ways to sabotage their efforts. If they can tell themselves they did not try, it saves them from having to face a possible failure. What it looks like is an unpredictable and frustrating mix of excellent performance, self-sabotage, and quitting.

 

Comparison to others.

 

Allowing them to externalize their LOC.

 

Confirmation of their distorted view of reality.

First, we will want to minimize situations in which we publically compare students. There is no education benefit to it, so we have nothing to lose. Second, We will want to help the student recognize their pattern and take responsibility for finding more effective and conscious solutions to their problems. This will include not buying in to their helpless pattern language. We will need to send them the message that we believe in them, but will not accept their excuses or self-pity.

Unloved/Look at Me/Clown

This student’s ego is telling them that unless they are getting a reaction from others there is no evidence that they are lovable. So they act out and endless part in which they try to win the love that they feel they did not get earlier (probably from parents).  The student becomes entirely dependent on external criteria for their sense of self. This is a losing battle, but works well to hone attention getting skills. What it looks like is a constant need for attention, reaction, and affirmation from others.

 

Giving attention when they act out.

 

A sense of failure in another area.

First, we need to let the student know that they will get a reasonable amount of attention, but that their attention seeking behavior will not have the effect of obtaining more attention from us. Second, We need to help the student build an internal locus of control and a self-identified sense of value. Third, we may want to find ways that the student can experience healthy attention from peers by giving them a format, letting them work in groups, allowing venues such as presentations, and giving them a sense of responsibility in class. If we help this student feel like they are making a positive contribution, they will feel less or a need to use inappropriate means to gain attention.

 

Best/Best Worst/Inferiority Complex

This student’s ego is telling them that they need to win or they are unworthy. So they interpret all events through the lens of competition. If the game does not work to their advantage, they will find a game that does. This same mechanism will create both the student who needs to get the highest score and the student who needs to create the most visible graffiti, or get the lowest score ever recorded.  What it looks like is a student who acts and thinks in comparisons and becomes overly joyful when they win and overly miserable when they lose.

 

Competitive contexts.

 

Public Comparison.

 

First, reduce the unnecessary competition and competitive elements in the class. Ask yourself, if they are really valuable in the long-term (see Ch.19). Second, help this student recognize their tendency to want to see things in terms of comparison. Help them see that it is not necessarily a true representation of reality. Encourage them to look at their learning as a process of growth rather than a measure of their ability of self-worth (Dweck, 2000). Introduce them to the idea that success is more likely if they lose their inferiority complex. It may seem useful, but it is not based in sound motivation. If it were they would feel satisfied more often, and it is a sure bet that they do not.

Drama King or Queen

This student’s ego is telling them that if they keep the external dramas going they will not have to deal with what is inside. What is inside is not nearly as scary as they believe, but they see it as unbearable monster to be feared. So they allow their ego to run their lives and find whatever external stimulus, conflict, drama, offence, problem, disaster to attach itself to and engage in. The result is the development of a set of coping skills that appear very dynamic and even occasionally effective. However, the failure to take personal responsibility for their actions and/or to listen to what is going on inside and/or their inner self, create a series of ticking time bombs that explode eventually. What it looks like is a student who always has a good reason for why something is keeping them from getting things done, why they are in conflict with others, and why the rules need to be different for them.

 

High Pressure deadlines and outcomes.

 

The thought that they will be exposed.

 

Others buying into the drama and the external variables.

Enabling the excuses or the drama stories.

First, do not buy into the drama. Second, help the student examine events within a practical lens. Help them step back from the drama and recognize that there are a many interpretations to the events, and the dramatic interpretation is just one subjective way of looking at it. Also, help them learn to look at the practical choices that led to the crisis. Could they have gotten started on the project earlier? Could they have planned for more time or cut out another activity to make sure that they achieved the outcome that they desired? Third, help the student recognize that drama, conflict, and crisis are largely manufactured conditions. They do not occur without being created. Help the student evaluate how the latest drama or crisis that they experienced originated.

Pleaser/Tell I am good/Teacher’s Pet

This student’s ego is telling them that if they do not have an external parent figure telling them that they are special they are insignificant. As a result they feel the need to be the “most loved” the “uniquely blessed” member of the class. While this may not seem negative on the surface, it is not healthy. At best when we enable this pattern we promote the students lack of internal sense of adequacy and worth. At worst, if the student feels their need is unrequited, they may passively become a powerfully disruptive force in the class.

 

Giving praise each time it is requested.

 

Treating students differently depending on how reverent they are.

 

Playing into the student’s game. Leading them on.

 

First, project to the student that you like and accept them the way they are. Do – give them concrete and specific feedback and positively recognize their effort. Do not – give them personal praise, tell them that they are good because they have done good work, and/or buy into their requests for praise. Affirm their effort, give them unconditional acceptance, but choose your words carefully so that the student does not hear personal praise. Second, help the student to learn to validate their own work. When they ask you what you think about something they made, as them what they think. Third, maintain healthy boundaries with the student. Stay professional and avoid too much time alone with the student.

 

Pain Addict/Chemical Addict/Destructive

This student’s ego has become aligned with the student’s pain-based internal physical reaction. The result is a student who is on the lookout for something they can take as a personal offence, a challenge to their worth or honor, or anything that they can use to trigger the pain reaction inside that wants more pain to feed upon. What this looks like is a student who likes to challenge others, sees everything through the lens of being personally attacked and victimized, and is ready to fight back. In a severe case this student is capable of unpredictable, risky and destructive behavior. 

 

Anger or pain-based punishments.

 

Making choices personal and attacking the student’s dignity.

 

Getting hooked into their efforts to personalize and create power struggles.

First, resist the temptation to engage this student in a power struggle. It will never end well. Also resist the temptation to get in the pattern of sending  the student out after they have reacted badly to your ultimatum or threat. Second, we need to follow the steps above related to how to alter the negative identity pattern faithfully. We need to build a great deal of trust with this student and help them feel valuable and capable. Third, help them find their talents, gifts and strengths and reinforce their efforts toward cultivating them. Help them find healthy addictions such as exercise or creating or building things. Forth, to the degree possible allow the student to share what is inside, and let them know that you are there to listen, and on their side.

 

 

As you examine the various negative identity patterns in Table 15.2, you may notice some common ingredients. First, they all have a trigger, and promoting awareness of that trigger is critical to the success of the effort. Second, each pattern is masking something that they student fears. This is usually some sort of pain, and as the pattern gets more established, as peculiar as it may sound, the student will fear the loss of the negative identity. It will feel like it is a loss of the self. This is not true, but the power of the addictive process makes it feel true. Third, for each pattern the solution will take the form of promoting a success psychology within the student (See Chapter 8).The power of having basic needs satisfied in a positive and meaningful way will supersede the power of the addiction to negative attention. Conversely, the teaching practices outlined in Chapter 8 that promoted a failure psychology will reinforce and strengthen the negative identity pattern. So if we do nothing else, we will want to take the practical action steps outlined in chapter 8 for promoting a success psychology and stay away from those that promote a failure psychology.

 

We know that if we do nothing to change this student’s pattern, it may never change, and we will feel perpetually frustrated and resentful that they are in our class. But making the investment into changing this pattern is worth the effort. I have seen many students change their mindset from attempting to be the “best worst” to attempting to be an altruistic leader. The shift is not as impossible as it might appear.  If the root of the problem is simply finding a way to use one’s talents to get their needs met, then the change can occur relatively quickly and in a dramatic fashion. Once the student realizes that they are capable of getting love, attention and a sense of competence with positive behavior, they may take off in that direction. History is full of examples of those that have.  Many of the students in my classes share that they were once the negative identity student, and are now committed to much more positive goals including becoming teachers. And before we give up on these students, and pass the responsibility on to someone else, it is good to keep in mind that it often just takes one understanding sole to change a life. When asked what the difference was between a life of crime and a productive life in society, typically those who have turned it around credit the support and faith of one person. And often that one person was a teacher.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-i: Recall examples that you know of or have heard of, of those that have gone from a negative identity pattern (i.e., being the best worst) to working toward making a positive contribution in the world.

 

 

Working with Challenging Students – Bridging the Gap

 

A student asks the teacher, “Do we have to take notes?” “Will you be collecting them?” “How many points is this worth?”

 

A student nervously eyes their cell phone while the class is having a discussion. Inattentive to what is being said, they are lost in their anticipation of the chance to check messages.

 

While all the other students begin work, one student does nothing, when the teacher asks them to “get started,” they gently smile but continue to sit motionless.

 

In these cases above, the student behavior is not overtly disruptive. These students are not technically hurting anyone, and they may not even be breaking any rules. They characterize a more subtle but significant kind of problem behavior – the disconnected student. If we do nothing, it is likely that the student will maintain their pattern, learn little, and the class will remain fragmented. As a result these students tend to be the ones that frustrate us most. They make us feel like we are failing, inadequate, and powerless. Especially when we find that the same techniques that make us successful with other students do not seem to work with these students. While not as deep-seeded as the conditioning at the root of the negative identity pattern, the problem here is still rooted in a conditioned pattern. So what is maintaining the gap is unconsciousness, and the key to the cure will be bringing conscious awareness into the equation.

 

 

Chapter Reflection 15-j: Re