TCM Table of Contents – Classroom Management Resources – School Climate
– John Shindler
– TCM Workshops
Chapter
13: A Win-Win Approach to Conflict Resolution and Potential Power Struggles
From Transformative Classroom Management. By
John Shindler. ©2009
Reproduction is unlawful
without permission
In this Chapter:
- Examining the
Sources of Classroom Conflict
- A Process for
Win-Win Conflict Resolution
- Peer Mediation
- Successfully
Resolving Power Struggles
Conflict
is a natural part of any functional class; in fact, it is not necessarily a
sign that there are problems with the classroom management or with the health
of the classroom community. However, it can often lead to unhappiness,
discomfort, and or for members of the class to emotionally withdrawal or attack
(Johnson & Johnson, 2006). Making sense of conflict and providing our
students with the skills, knowledge and dispositions to process it effectively,
is essential to creating a functional democratic classroom.
SOURCES OF CONFLICT
Where
does conflict originate? It comes from many sources, and it takes many forms.
Sometimes it is brought into the class from the outside, and sometimes it is
created within the class (Batton, 2002; Johnson & Johnson, 2006). Either
way, when it is examined with a sufficient amount of awareness, it can be a
useful means to personal and collective growth. Our job is to help our students
see that conflict can be an opportunity rather than just a source of grief.
Chapter Reflection 13-a:
In the classrooms that you have most recently observed, was there conflict
present? What form did it take? Who was responsible for initiating it, and/or
perpetuating it?
Exploring
the Most Common Sources of Conflict
The
most common sources of classroom conflict include:
- Students have competing ideas. Some teachers are more comfortable
working in an arena that includes conflicting and competing ideas.
Research into teaching style suggests that harmony-seeking Feelers
(which make up a majority of teachers) tend to be less comfortable than
logic-seeking Thinkers with the emotional climate that is created
when disagreement is present (Myers-Briggs, 1998). Suppressing conflict
can also suppress getting at what can be the meaningful essence of an
issue or idea. Feelers need to consider tolerating some healthy conflict
in the name of learning. Conversely, the Thinker
teacher should be aware that the feeling students might not view
argument and debate as the source of stimulation that they do. They need to
recognize that what they see as healthy conflict or directness can lead to
real discomfort, and can even turn off or shut down some of their
students. In general, intellectual conflict is a powerful element that
needs to be treated with care. Above all, teachers need to model effective
communication skills and conflict resolution (Batton, 2002; Johnson &
Johnson, 2006).
As we develop our “culture
of listening and respect,” we have to help students separate difference of
opinion from personal attack. It’s important to help them learn the skills of
self-expression while keeping the dignity and respect of others paramount.
Illuminating for students the concept that their ideas have changed over time
and will undoubtedly change in the future can be useful. As they better
distinguish their ideas from their identities, they will find it much easier to
discuss without getting defensive. We can allow students to disagree and permit
them time to process those emotions. As they learn that not always being right
or having others disagree is not the end of the world, they become more
comfortable with self-expression and less fearful of conflict.
Chapter Reflection 13-b:
While few of us are entirely comfortable with a great deal of conflict, for
some it can lead to a great deal of drama, pain, and/or emotional reactivity.
It may be worth getting to know how your students react to conflict. Why do
some students always need to be right? Why do some students feel personally
attacked when someone disagrees with their idea? How can we help our students
express themselves and feel safe? Understanding the human ego’s need to defend
itself is a useful starting point as we try to make sense of this area and how
to promote a healthy intellectual climate in the class.
In addition, we need to help students express
their ideas in ways that do not attack others. A good way to start is to help
them use phrasing that identifies their idea as “their opinion.” I-messages are
useful for this purpose (Batton, 2002; Gordon, 2006). For example, we might
encourage a student to say, “From what I understand, I think a gas tax is a bad
idea,” as opposed to “A gas tax is a terrible idea!” The first phrase does an
adequate job of expressing an opinion as such, whereas the second expresses the
same opinion as a fact. Practicing how to phrase opinions at the beginning of
the year is time well spent. Leading the class in a concept attainment or
classification exercise related to “helpful ways to express opinions” vs.
“unhelpful ways to express opinions,” can help clarify the difference more
concretely. Putting the exercise on a large sheet of paper and leaving it on
the wall for a few weeks for reference may be helpful. We need to keep in mind
the most powerful learning in this area will come from the modeling of the
teacher. Therefore, model what you want to see from your students. This will be
more challenging than it sounds.
- Students have competing needs and
desires. No matter how clear our expectations.
No matter how well understood our social contract. No matter how well we
promote community among the members of the class, we know there will be
some level of conflict that comes from students’ competing needs and
desires (Johnson & Johnson, 2006). But the difference between a
democratic classroom with an intentional process for dealing with conflict
and an authoritarian classroom wherein the teacher acts as judge is this:
in a democratic classroom, conflict is an opportunity for all parties to
grow, while in an authoritarian classroom, conflict is a source of trouble
for all concerned (Emmer & Gerwels, 2006). Moreover, in a democratic
classroom each conflict leads to more learning and skill building, which
leads to more effective conflict resolution and less future pain and
suffering. Teacher-based resolutions lead to dependent and passive
students who learn little about how to deal with the conflicts that arise
in their lives, in or out of the classroom.
What teachers should avoid with regard to
conflict between students:
- Ignoring conflict. This leads to
the benefit of the advantaged. The powerful will ultimately use the
vacuum of justice to get their way over the less powerful.
- Acting as judge. This sends the
message that students are too immature to solve their own problems, and
impedes their moral and social growth.
- Siding solely with the victim.
Be empathetic, but avoid being used as a tool to get back at an
aggressor, as this will lead to more dependence and a cycle of
victimization for the weak party and an identity as a bully for the aggressor.
- Don’t encourage tattle tailing.
The more you encourage it, the more you will get it. You encourage it by
acting as judge, siding with the victim, or not encouraging students to
seek their own solutions before they come to you.
What teachers should encourage with regard to
conflict between students:
§
The use of a well established set of guidelines for conflict resolution
(see win-win conflict resolution guidelines below). An effective and uniform
system helps support a sense of safety and learning for students.
§
Skills related to expressing and owning one’s feelings. I-messages and
empathy are complex skills to learn, but they are effective and save a lot of
pain and suffering.
§
An effort on the part of the student to ask themselves, “What is the best
thing for the class as a whole, and can I find a solution that meets my needs
and is good for the group as well?”
§
An inclination to solve one’s own conflicts. It may feel difficult not
to intervene at first, but as time goes on you will be surprised at how
empowering it can be for the students, especially those who have previously
been dependent on adult interventions.
§
An inclination to think in terms of one’s own behavior first and others
second. Too often conflicts escalate because students all feel the need to
point out the misbehavior of other students. We have all heard countless
phrases that begin with “Teacher! ____
is _____-ing.” Aside from the most severe cases, attending to these types of
student pleas for your intervention will only increase the amount of conflict
and encourage an external locus of control mentality. A useful phrase in these
cases is, “If everyone takes care of themselves we will be fine.”
§
An effort to recognize how much they are growing in their conflict
resolution skills. As with the other skills that you are trying to encourage,
don’t hold back your pride and respect for students who are making the effort
to grow in a new and difficult area. (personal recognition vs. praise, Chapter
5).
§
Openness to modifying the social contract. If a conflict or series of
conflicts send the message that something is not working, use the opportunity
to brainstorm a contract modification. This activity can be a very conspicuous
opportunity to model the principle -- conflict is an opportunity for growth.
Chapter Reflection 13-c:
As you reflect on the last class that you observed, how many of the teacher
interventions would be consistent with the list outlining “what to encourage,”
and how many fell into “what to avoid?” Did you see evidence of the effect they
had over time?
- Teacher’s negative affect or
misguided practice leads to student conflict.
If you are practicing any of the teacher behaviors identified as leading
down the effectiveness continuum as outlined in Chapter 2, conflict will
follow. It may take the form of resistance stemming from feeling that
basic needs are not being met. It may take the form of jealousy if you use
extrinsic rewards and/or personal praise. It may take the form of mistrust
if you are inconsistent with your consequences or use arbitrary
punishments. In one form or another, student discomfort will lead to
conflict. Be proactive. Create a safe, needs-satisfying, consistent
classroom climate and you will have to do a lot less conflict resolution
and power struggle management.
Chapter Reflection 13-d:
Reflect on the relationship between teacher action and student reaction.
Visualize classrooms in which there is nearly no conflict and other classes in
the same school in which there is a great deal. What is the difference? In your
opinion how much of the conflict in any class is created (both directly and
indirectly) by the actions of the teacher?
- Students’ and teacher’s needs
compete. Even if you are successful at creating
a healthy needs-satisfying classroom where expectations are clear there
are bound to be cases in which your needs and those of your students will
be at odds (Johnson & Johnson, 2006). Sometimes just explaining the
rationale behind your expectations can help students see why they are
necessary. Sometimes it may be necessary to engage in a process of
problem-solving to achieve understanding.
For example, a teacher may have a homework
policy that makes seems to make perfect sense, but a number of students do not
complete most or all of their homework. In cases like this it is important that
we listen to our students’ needs. Ask what they would change in the policy to
ensure that everyone came with their homework completed. After listening to
suggestions, you can find a practicable compromise that works for all parties.
Jane Bluestein (1999) calls this negotiating a “boundary.” She suggests
conflict is minimized when each party can accept a policy boundary that “works
for them.” This process helps meet the students’ basic need for power and
brings another level of clarity to the expectations.
Chapter Reflection 13–e:
Recall the discussions in Chapters 5 and 11 related to boundary setting. It can
be a potent teaching tool to promote clear expectations and student empowerment,
but can also lead to an excessive amount of bargaining if not done
intentionally and proactively.
- Students bring in displaced anger
from outside the class that plays out in conflict dramas and attempts at
power struggles. Sometimes we have done a good job
of developing a sound social contract and a fair and supportive classroom
environment, but because one or more students feel the need to test us or
“share their pain,” potential conflict can arise. Following the steps
outlined below for dealing with a power struggle can help strengthen the
social contract, keep us from getting hooked into destructive dramas, and
lead to a growth opportunity for the students.
A SYSTEM FOR WIN-WIN CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Having
a system for conflict resolution in place for our classroom or school can have
many positive benefits. First, it will reduce the amount and intensity of the
conflicts that do occur. Second, it will help students build useful skills to
solve their own problems -- skills that will be valuable both within the school
walls and outside in their homes and communities. Third, the conflict
resolution skills discussed below will act to promote a deeper sense of
responsibility, community and success psychology among the student body of a
school or classroom.
Naomi
Drew (2002) offers a six-step process for successful conflict resolution. It
can be used by students for self-mediation or used by a peer mediator. These
steps provide a useful framework for examining how to make a conflict an
opportunity for growth rather than disharmony.
Step 1: Cool off.
As Drew (2002) states, “Conflicts can’t be solved in the face of hot emotions.”
It is important for all parties within any conflict to take a step back and
recognize the reactive pattern that wants to emerge and gain some distance and
perspective. Help students develop the habit of taking a moment to turn their
attention inward and notice that they most likely want to react out of a
pain-based response whenever they feel they have been hurt, threatened or
wronged. Eckhart Tolle (1999) refers to the “pain-body” as a mechanism in each
of us that feeds on painful emotions. This pain-body reaction blinds us to
reason and actually incites more pain in an attempt to escalate drama and
conflict. Just helping students develop their awareness alone will save a great
deal of suffering for all parties over time.
Help
the students to consciously observe the tendency in themselves for the pain
reaction to rise when first confronted by a conflict. As Tolle (1999) suggests,
when one brings awareness to the inner pain reaction, it will begin to fade.
The student can then begin to shift their attention away from the past (the
painful moment) into the present (where they will be able to think rationally).
Once they feel they are ready to approach the problem constructively, they are
ready to go on to the next step and engage with others to problem-solve.
Chapter Reflection 13-f:
Can you recognize this pain-body reaction within yourself when it arises? We all
have a pain-body, and while the triggers may be different (e.g., insecurity for
one person, and rejection for another person), the mechanism is rather similar.
When the pain-body reaction arises, notice how you actually desire to hook into
the pain and perpetuate the angry emotions. Seeing it within yourself will make
you much more effective when you see it arise within your students.
Step
2: Tell what’s bothering you using “I-messages.”
When each participant is ready to put her or his energy into listening and
problem solving and is no longer acting out of the defensive pain-reaction,
they are ready to enter into a process of communication. However, if the words
used imply blame, attack, or indictment, not only is it likely that these are
communicating the participant’s pain, but it is also likely to trigger the
other participant’s defensive reaction. The result will be an escalation of
pain as each participant engages in a pain frenzy. On the surface this may
appear as communication, but in reality it is simply people hooking one another
to their inner pain-mechanisms and ego defenses. This is what goes on in most
arguments.
The
language in the participants’ communication at this stage needs to work to
offer information and clarity rather than blame. A good technique for
accomplishing this is the use of “I” statements. As mentioned earlier in the
chapter, “I” statements are phrases such as “I was waiting my turn and it
seemed to me that you stepped in front of me,” or “What I heard you say was ‘I
am a fool’ and I did not think it was funny and I did not appreciate it.” Drew
(2002) recommends that when making “I” statements it’s important to avoid
put-downs, guilt-trips, sarcasm, or negative body language. The statements need
to simply report information and one’s experience. It is important to remind
participants that both events and feelings are useful information at this
stage. The students need to maintain a win-win mindset throughout the process.
At this stage, information contributes to solutions, whereas blame, attacks,
and victim language contribute to loss. This early step requires a great deal
of trust on the part of the participants. They will be tempted to give in to a
competitive win-lose mentality. In the early stages of facilitating this process
you will be required to provide a great deal of encouragement to your students
to trust the process and their classmates.
Chapter Reflection 13-g:
Thomas Gordon, the inventor of the term I-messages, has developed a great deal
of information on what they are and how to use them. His Teacher Effectiveness
Training website is full of good ideas in this area.
Step 3: Each person restates what they heard the other person say.
When each participant is required to restate what they heard the other say, it
brings both clarity and empathy into the process. Each is important. If there
is no clarity, there can be little understanding and solutions will likely be
superficial. If there is no empathy, the opportunity for growth is lost. In
addition, it is a sign that participants do not sincerely desire a win-win
outcome. Successfully restating another’s words shows that one is trying to
come out of his of her own narrow point of view into a place of shared
understanding.
In
the example above, one such restatement might be “I heard you say that you did
not think it was funny when I called you are a fool, is that correct?” Do you
hear the clarity it introduces to the process, as well as the empathy?
Step 4: Take responsibility.
It is important that participants within the process adopt the attitude that
blaming and faulting are counterproductive and to be avoided. Blame is external
and past-oriented. Responsibility is internal and present-to-future oriented.
An effective conflict resolution process is an effective tool to promote
internal locus of control and a consequent “success psychology.”
Encourage
participants to embrace the attitude “what can we each do to make things better
in the future?” This is in direct contrast to the attitude characterized by the
statements “It is not my fault” or “It is your fault.” Again, the skills
related to a successful resolution to conflict do not come easily and will take
a great deal of support and practice for success which can only come with time.
The natural tendencies to defend, share pain, or obtain “justice” will be
difficult to break. But a powerful resource is the reality that taking part in
a successful resolution process feels deeply satisfying to the participant. Use
this awareness to motivate participants to stick with it and resist bad habits.
Chapter Reflection 13-h:
As you read each of these steps, do you find yourself subtly resisting the
ideas? This is natural, and understanding why can be instructive. Consider what
it is that seems threatening. Is there a part of you holding on to the belief
that this is too much work, and that conflict is natural and inevitable? Listen
to your inner voice of resistance. What is it telling you, and can you see
through it?
Step 5: Brainstorm solutions and come up with one that satisfies both
people.
As Drew (2002) suggests, “Resolving conflicts is a creative act. There are many
solutions to any single problem.” Participants quickly learn that conflict
resolutions are not about getting someone in trouble or deciding who is at fault.
They are about how to make life better in the future. Sometimes this is a
matter of compromise. Sometimes it is a matter of finding a new and better way.
Sometimes it is about one person realizing that they need to change a behavior
pattern.
For
younger students it can be immensely helpful for the teacher to ask guiding
questions to help the process along. The teacher may ask questions such as
“What is it that each of you want?” “What did you do today to try to get what
you wanted?” “What happened?” “What could you do tomorrow to get what you want
without one person feeling hurt?” As you guide this process give students time
to think after you ask your questions, and resist the temptation to give them
answers unless absolutely necessary. After hearing a workable idea offered, you
might ask, “Would that solution work for both of you?”
For
older students, it may be effective to have each participant take some time
either independently, or as a team if that makes more sense, and brainstorm a
set of ideas on paper. They should be encouraged to think of a series of ideas.
As with any brainstorming exercise, students should recognize that items
further down the list often end up being most insightful. Participants can then
examine each list and agree on a solution that is most acceptable.
It
should be noted that the conflict resolution process should be part of the
social contract, but this does not imply that consequences for contract
violations are ignored. For example, in the case of two students involved in a
physical altercation, we assume that we have some form of consequence for
hitting. In a situation where one student hits another in response to a hurtful
comment, a conflict resolution process should be employed, but the consequence
for hitting still needs to be implemented. The conflict resolution process will
help aid in supporting better decisions in the future and mend the relationship
between the students. The class also needs to understand that when they violate
the social contract, there are consequences in place.
Step 6: Affirm, forgive, or thank.
After a solution is agreed upon, help participants develop the habit of shaking
hands, thanking one another, and forgiving one another. Forgiveness and
gratitude are powerful mindsets with which to close the process. These signify:
1) what was most important about this conflict resolution process was that we
all grew; and 2) the relationship was worth the effort it took to overcome the
natural tendency to fight or withdraw.
Every
time the students successfully execute this conflict resolution process, their
skills for dealing with conflict within and without grow. If they can learn at
an early point in life to recognize their defensive pain-driven mental
reaction, become responsible for their actions, and forgive and move on, they
will have acquired skills that are as valuable as anything else they will learn
in their time in school.
As
the students become more skilled at this process, observe both the social and
communal bonds grow. The social bonds will grow because the students will
develop more respectful and effective ways to interact. The communal bonds will
grow as they learn to work through difficult situations collaboratively. To
have community, we have to need each other. This process brings students out of
their emotional isolation into a trusting and needs-satisfying place.
The
conflict resolution process serves to promote students’ psychology of success.
Win-win conflict resolution skills promote each of these factors: internal
locus of control, acceptance and belonging, and a mastery orientation to
learning. Moreover, this process can be a powerful tool in the development of a
more responsible approach to problems within the class (Batton, 2002; Emmer
& Gerwels, 2006).
PEER MEDIATION
When
conflict cannot be resolved by the involved parties using conflict resolution
skills, it can be effective to enlist the help of a peer mediator (Johnson
& Johnson, 2006). In a peer mediation program, third party students support
their schoolmates in solving problems (Freiberg & Lapointe, 2006; Johnson
& Johnson, 2006). These can be problems in or out of the classroom. The
peer mediator can be any uninvolved student, but in many programs students are
given special training to be “peacemakers” (Johnson & Johnson, 1999). There
are many advantages to using of students rather than adults to resolve
conflict. First, it is empowering to all parties. Students learn that conflict
is a matter to be solved with a given set of skills, not simply misbehavior.
Second, they learn to empathize with others’ struggles, pain, and ego
attachments. It is much easier to help another to look at a problem with a
broad perspective than to do it oneself. When we see a pattern in another we
can better understand that same tendency within. Third, it puts students with
strong empathetic and personal skills in positions where those skills are used
for the benefit of the whole. Conversely, it puts those with previously
underdeveloped empathy skills in a position to work on them.
Johnson
and Johnson (2006) outline the peacemaker process in the following three parts:
Part
1: Understand the nature of the conflict.
Part
2: Choose an appropriate conflict strategy. At this
stage students are encouraged to keep in mind that the goal of the conflict
resolution is to a) help the participants achieve their goals and b) help the
parties maintain a good relationship.
Part
3: Negotiate a solution to the conflict. At this stage the
peer mediator needs to steer the process toward a win-win (integrative), rather
than win- lose (distributive) outcome. At this stage the mediator should help
each participant:
·
Describe what they want
·
Describe how they feel
·
Describe the reasons for wants and
feelings
·
Take the other’s perspective into
consideration and summarize understanding of what the other person wants
·
Generate options for an mutually
acceptable solution
·
Select one of the options that both
parties can live with
·
Make a record of the mediation
In
many schools the mediators or “peace makers” wear identifying t-shirts. It is
recommended that a class or school rotate the position frequently, so that each
student is able to practice the role. It is also recommended that formal
processing be done on a regular basis -- both conflict resolution training and
job clarification training. Many times students will consciously or unconscious
slip into bad habits when in this role. Often they confuse their job with being
a law enforcement arm of the staff. Peer mediation works on trust. When the
other students do not trust that the peer mediator holds helpful intentions,
the system breaks down. Peer mediation has a powerful potential to be a
transformative component in the class, but only if conducted with the right
intentions.
Figure 13.1: Comparing the
Characteristics of Transformative vs. Ineffective Peer Mediation Systems.
|
Peer mediation in the transformative class |
Peer mediation that misses the target |
|
·
Students
feel empowered to solve their own problems (with or without mediator help) ·
Students’
recognition grows that every conflict is an opportunity to successfully use
their CR skills and increase their ability to overcome problems. ·
Teacher
puts most of his/her attention on the process. The goal is to get better at
CR. ·
Students
realize the peer mediator is an agent for help, even though they are not
perfect, and they accept mediator influence as a learning experience ·
Over
time there is a growing attitude of “you first,” and “let me win by being the
one who is more conscious and unselfish.” |
·
Students
believe that the peer mediator is simply another arm of the teacher’s
authority ·
Students
see conflict as just another form of “bad behavior” and something that they may
“get in trouble for.” ·
The
teacher puts most of their attention on the problematic nature of the content
of the conflict itself and why it is so inconvenient. ·
Students
feel peer mediators are know-it-alls who are ineffective, power hungry and
worsen conflict situations. ·
Over
time there is a growing attitude that some peer mediators are on the side of
the teacher, and that to open up and talk about what I want and feel will
just get me in more trouble, so I should just keep my mouth shut. |
Chapter Reflection 13-i:
Imagine a school in which students are experts in conflict resolution. These do
exist, and the results they achieve are often remarkable when it comes to
reducing fighting, bullying, arguments, and the many conflicts that arise in collective
spaces at a school. Consider encouraging a school-wide approach to conflict
resolution modeled after one of the successful schools and the principles
outlined above.
Figure 13.2: Possible Phrases for a
Wall Chart to Support Conflict Resolution Success
In This Class We ...
§
Deal with
conflict constructively, thoughtfully and deliberately
§
Recognize
that conflict comes from thoughts, so we can change our thoughts and end or
reduce conflicts when we so choose
§
Understand that
conflicts have solutions if we make the effort to look for them
§
Use conflict
as an opportunity to make us better as individuals and as a class
§ See ourselves becoming more skilled at conflict
resolution all the time
§ Understand that conflict resolution is always
win-win!
DEALING
WITH CONFLICT WITHIN THE SOCIAL CONTRACT
A
social contract exists to meet the needs of its members. If it is not meeting
its members’ needs in the most effective and fair manner, it should be
modified. Usually a sign modification is necessary is the presence of conflict.
If a persistent problem exists in the class we will want to go about systematic
problem solving and then adopt the new solution into our social contract. For
example, if students fight over who gets to use the computers, we need a better
system for computer use. As in all cases of developing the social contract, the
more democratic the process is the greater sense of ownership of the outcome
there will be. When contentious issues arise among members of the class, it may
signal the opportunity for a class meeting or at least a brainstorming
exercise.
Chapter Reflection 13-j:
What is your impulse when conflict arises in your class or within groups you are
leading? Is it to take over, or is it to use the conflict as an opportunity for
growth and problem solving? If you are attempting to head down the road of
being a 1-Style teacher, you will want to find an efficient system for
conducting class meetings. They do not need to take more than a few minutes.
Power Struggles
As
we examine the idea of power struggle situations among students, it is
important to keep in mind that the social contract is the framework from which
we are working. In many cases, what is occurring during a power struggle is the
students’ testing the integrity of the social contract (Curwin & Mendler,
1986). They are saying, in essence, “No” to our class agreement, and this
behavior falls into a Level II category (Chapter 10). When a student is openly
defiant we are naturally going to feel angry and offended, and the tendency
(encouraged by our own defensive pain reaction) would be to exert our power and
show the student who is in charge. While this may feel satisfying in the
moment, it produces a number of undesirable effects, including:
- Engagement in a power struggle.
There is no power struggle until we buy into the challenge.
- Losing sight of the point. The
point is the student is to be responsible and fulfill their agreed-upon
commitment to the contract.
- Sending a message to the other
students that the teacher can get hooked into a power struggle.
- Sending the message to the other
students that when a student says “No” to the contract, they are given
only short-term pain but are not held responsible in a meaningful manner.
Chapter Reflection 13-k: What is
your tendency when students challenge you? What happens when we take the
challenge and engage the student?
So
what do we do to effectively address Level II cases in which a student challenges
us, rather than unconsciously react to the personal offense? Curwin and Mendler
(1986) offer a process for dealing with a power struggle successfully. It
provides a coherent and sensible approach to dealing with student-teacher
conflict that will save pain and suffering. As we consider it within the
context of the social contract it has the following effects:
- Strengthening the social contract
by reinforcing it.
- Placing the responsibility on the
student.
- Indirectly teaching (social learning
model) that living up to the commitment to the social contract takes
precedence over selfishness (e.g., the student’s tantrum or the teacher’s
power trip).
- Teaching that a game or emotional
hook is not going to work to change the rules that are outlined by the
social contract.
Dealing
with a power struggle
Curwin and Mendler (1986) offer the following seven
steps to success when confronted by a student who attempts to engage in a power
struggle.
- Do
not manufacture power struggles by the way you teach.
By
and large power struggles are a result of a student’s attempt to satisfy an
unmet need. Students who feel a sense of power and control are making progress
toward their goals, are supported by the teacher, have avenues to share
concerns, and are given choices and not backed into corners by harsh directives
will be much less likely to feel the need to engage the teacher in a power
struggle.
- Move
into a private (and out of a public) encounter.
If the encounter begins publicly, quickly move it into
a private, one-to-one interaction. A public stage will put the student in a
position where they must defend their image and put you in a position in which
you feel the need to demonstrate your power.
Chapter Reflection 13-l: Recall
the social learning model here. What does public implementation create? How
does the “audience factor” affect the student’s thinking?
- Avoid
being “hooked in” by the student.
If the student tries to hook you in by making you
feel guilty or responsible for their inappropriate behavior, simply ignore the
hook and give the responsibility back to the student. A hook is intended to
shift the focus externally to you or some other factor. They act to shift blame
and pull you in. If you become drawn in on a personal level, the student is
then in control.
Chapter Reflection 13-m: What
hooks have you heard students use? Share your story with your colleagues or
classmates. Reflect on what hooks are trying to do, and why it is so tempting
to play into them.
Figure
13.3: Common power struggle hooks can include the following phrases:
- You are not a good teacher
- You do not like me
- No one likes me
- You are prejudiced
- Other teachers let me do this
- You let everyone else do it
- I can see why people say you are such a
jerk
- School is a waste of time, especially
this class
- I promise not to do it again, just leave
me alone
- Calmly
acknowledge the power struggle.
It is counterproductive to show anger or to “flex
your strength.” Instead, with a calm voice acknowledge that things appear to be
heading toward a power struggle, which would surely make any eventual outcome
worse. Ask the student to consider how the situation could end up in a
“win-win” scenario.
- Validate
the student’s feelings and concerns.
Use phrases such as, “I understand your feeling the
way you do, but that does not excuse what you did,” “Those feelings make sense,
I can see why you think that, but....“ Feelings are important and valued, but
they are beside the essential point. Throughout the process we need to project an
unconditional positive regard for the student. We side with their feelings and
concerns, but at the same time maintain a clear understanding that the student
is accountable. If we become negative they will lose sight that the
intervention is about their responsibility and see it as a punishment that is
coming from an external agent (e.g., the teacher).
- Keep
the focus on the student’s choice, and simply state the consequence
(repeating if necessary).
No matter what “hook” the
student tries to use, keep the focus on the fact that the student made a choice
to violate the rule/social contract (“I understand that you feel this is
unfair, but you made the choice to ____ and the consequence we decided on for
that is ____.”) The act was the student’s choice. Therefore they must accept
responsibility. If the student does not accept the logical or agreed upon
consequence, then they can choose to accept a more significant consequence such
as losing the opportunity to be present for part of the class/activity. Calmly
repeating the agreement or being a “broken record” can reinforce the point to
the student that they need to make a choice or take responsible action. The
rest of the conversation is secondary. Be careful not to badger the student. A
calm or encouraging affect can be effective but aggressiveness will be
counterproductive. There is no need to escalate or act out your power--you have
the very real power of the social contract and your rights as a teacher.
Chapter Reflection 16-n: When
you visualize a power struggle with a student do you find yourself naturally
wanting to be either aggressive or feeling fearful? Take a moment to visualize
a power struggle situation. What emotions do you feel? Now visualize the
interaction without fear or aggressiveness; simply include awareness and clear
communication. Can you feel your thinking becoming clearer and can you see the
student as less threatening as well?
- Put
your emotional energy into constructive matters.
After you have successfully
communicated the available choices, it is not useful to dwell on the student’s
behavior. There is no need to hover or pressure the student. Shift your
attention back into your teaching. Model constructive, rational, positive
behavior.
Applying the Steps to a Classroom
Situation
Let us apply the seven steps to a classroom
situation in which a student exhibits Level II misbehavior and challenges us to
a power struggle (Table 13.1). Assume that we have done an effective job of
developing our social contract and creating clear expectations in the class. On
this day for some reason -- perhaps displaced aggression from an earlier
parent-child interaction -- the student tries to engage the teacher in a power
struggle.
Power
Struggle Scenario:
Imagine that you have just completed an activity in
which students individually complete a project requiring them to use paper and
poster-making materials. You give the class a five minute warning before asking
them to clean up their desk areas and get ready to go. As you are about to
dismiss them, you note that on one desk there remain some paper scraps.
According to sound technical management principles (and consistent with your
social contract), you calmly repeat, “When all the desks are clear and all the
materials are put away, we can go.” On just about any other day, this would
have been sufficient to motivate all the students to fulfill their
responsibility to the class and the social contract. But for some reason, today
is different. One student does not move to clear the desk. Let’s suppose that
the student is hinting at his or her disposition on the matter by avoiding eye
contact with you. As your blood pressure begins to rise, you remember that you
need to be purposeful and deliberate and use this opportunity to take a step
forward in your own conflict skills, toward better classroom relationships, and
improved clarity of the classroom social contract. You dismiss the rest of the
class and ask the student to stay.
Figure 13.4: Application of
the seven step process outlined previously for successfully resolving a power
struggle to the case above.
|
Steps for Successfully Negotiating a Power
Struggle |
Paper on the desk example |
|
1. Do not manufacture power struggle (consider
if your teaching may have been a contributing factor) |
Consider that there may have an occurrence during
the activity that the student may be reacting to. Did you possibly make an
inadvertently derogatory comment about the work, or have you perhaps
alienated the student in the past? If so, this is a good time to do some
healing. No matter the responsibility you need to fix your part of the
relationship, the bottom line is the same. The student agreed to live up to
the social contract, and part of that responsibility is to do their part of
the clean up. Your request was reasonable. You are the facilitator of the
contract, so it was your job to make the request. It is not your job to judge, shame, lecture, or bring up
past history. As you approach the student, keep two ideas paramount: show
real concern by helping the student’s growth, and keep the focus of the
interaction on the act and the responsibilities that go along with the choice
to take action. |
|
2. Move into a private (and out of a
public) encounter. |
If a power struggle situation is forming it will
help if you do not take part in the interaction in a public forum. The public
factor will likely encourage the student to defend their dignity and/or
impress their friends (or even their enemies), and will encourage you to
exert power in the face of a public challenge. So close the proximity gap and
move near the student. Moving to a private location might be best. The fewer
distractions and the more immediate the resolution the better the outcome
will be. |
|
3. Avoid being “hooked in” by the
student. |
If the student is still sitting and has not taken
the sensible step to clean up their learning area, then it is a good bet that
they are deliberately engaging in a power struggle. Remind yourself that the
student is experiencing pain in some form, and they are intent on sharing
some of that pain with us. If we shift into pity mode or defense mode we will
soon be in a power struggle. Keep your “relationship and responsibility”
mantra going in your head if you begin to feel hooked in. At this point, it makes sense to repeat the
request again -- calmly and clearly. “When you clean up your desk, you can
go.” Without being condescending, use a “broken record”
technique to clarify the contractual expectation. If your continuous response
is some form of the message: “when you (fulfill your responsibility), then
you will (be afforded the rights of those who are responsible),” the student
understands the issue is regarding their contract obligations and not
something of less significance. The student may offer a statement intended to
“hook” you in. This may be: “This is the worst class I have ever had,” or
“You are the worst teacher,” or “You never make Julie pick up her stuff,” or
“This is because I am (____ ethnicity) and you do not like (_____ ethnicity)
students.” Hooks can be explosive and may make you want to express your anger
(by activating your pain-body reaction) and/or defending yourself. THE HOOK
IS NOT THE POINT, SO DON’T PLAY INTO IT. Once we respond to the hook we are
in an argument and the student has shifted the focus of the interaction
toward their agenda and away from their responsibility. A useful phrase at
this point may be: “That may be your perspective, but right now you have to
decide what you are going to choose to do about the paper on your desk.” |
|
4. Calmly acknowledge the power
struggle. |
It may be useful at some point in the interaction
to help the student become aware of the dynamics of the situation. A useful
phrase may be: “You seem to want to
argue or get into a power struggle right now. That is not going to help
either one of us resolve this situation.” Playing the psychologist may seem
condescending so try not to guess what is wrong. Just show empathy and
awareness of the dynamic. The more awareness that can come into the situation
the more reasoned the thinking will be. A useful thought here is to mirror
the affect that you want from the student. |
|
5. Validate the student’s feelings and
concerns. |
Without being too psychoanalytical, it is useful
to let the student know that you understand that they have some pain that is
causing this need to engage you. For instance if the student makes the
statement, “I know that you do not like me, don’t pretend you do,” it may or
may not express authentic feelings. The mistake would be to respond in an
attempt to defend against the accusation of non-liking or ignore the idea
completely implying that they are right. So we might respond in a way that
attempts to validate the student but keeps the fulfillment of their
responsibility in the foreground, such as: “You know I like you, and I get
the feeling like there is more going on here than what is being said. I
promise that we can talk later about your concerns regarding me and this
class, but right now you have one job: to make the choice to fulfill your
commitment to our social contract, or accept that through your actions you
are rejecting your commitment.” We need to fulfill our part of the social
contract by following through and taking the time to listen to students’
concerns. We can only control the choices that we make; the student needs to
take responsibility for theirs. |
|
6. Keep the focus on the student’s
choice, and simply state the consequence |
In the larger context the choice the student has
made is to essentially say “No” to the social contract. However, your
phrasing should point out the current choice the student is making and the
resulting consequence to that choice. Early in the interaction our language might be to
the effect: “You made the choice not to clean up your desk area. When you
choose to follow through on clean up, you will be dismissed to go.” At this
time the consequence may have increased to losing an opportunity to take part
in an activity with the other students. As time goes on, the student’s decision not to
pick up the paper implies a choice to defy his or her commitment to the
social contract. Our statement after a few minutes of student inaction should
imply that the student must somehow show a commitment that this will not
happen again. We might use language such as: “You made the choice to
disregard your responsibility. Our social contract only works we all live up
to our agreements. You need to clean up your area and explain to me (in
writing) how and why this is not going to happen again before I can consider
you a responsible and committed member of this class.” |
|
7. Put your energy into constructive
matters. |
Your physical actions throughout this process are
also meaningful. Avoid hovering or standing over the student. Giving the
student space sends the message that they are free to make a decision without
coercion. Use eye contact and good listening skills when you are directly
interacting with the student, but when allowing the student time to think it
is best to demonstrate that “life will go on,” no matter their choice, so
operate as you would if alone. Let your behavior send the message that you
hope they make a good choice, but your job is to put energy into your work
and the class. If they want to engage in something constructive you will be
present, but they cannot get you to join in their pain session. |
Fearing the idea of students saying NO
As long as the student chooses to dismiss or reject the social contract by exhibiting a Level II form of misbehavior they have made the choice to be outside of it until they recommitment to being a responsible member. It may be the case that no student makes that kind of choice all year. If we do a good job of creating a healthy learning community it will happen rarely if ever. However, if there is fear of a student engaging us in a power struggle or rejecting a request, we carry a bit of unnecessary anxiety. Our fear may lead us to such actions as ignoring or rationalizing a student’s choice to dismiss the class contract or implementing a punishment that does not hold the student responsible for their choice such as sending them to the office. Keep in mind that a student always has the choice to be responsible or not to be responsible. If they choose not to be that is their right. Realize that rather than get angry or fearful we can simply provide a clear context for future choices. It is possible that a student may at some point choose to step out of the class commitment and we employ the tough love philosophy it takes to let them make that choice.
If
on the other hand we let fear or sympathy influence letting the student off the
hook we have sent a powerful message to the class that when students say “No”
to the social contract, the teacher will not hold them accountable. Examined
within the social learning model the message is that the contract is neither
sound nor sacred. While no other student might want to disrespect the contract,
they will likely lose respect for it when they view it being disregarded and
unsupported by teacher follow-through. It may not be conscious, but there is a
correlated erosion of commitment to the social contract. Conversely, when we
hold students accountable--no matter how difficult this may be--we send the
message that the social contract has integrity.
Chapter Reflection 13-o: When a student says no to you, what has your inclination been up to this point? How might you approach it in the future?
CONCLUSION
Conflict will be present in any class. How we process it will define the effect that it has on our students. As we examine the process for creating the 1-Style classroom and the qualities of a classroom community in the coming chapters, we will see how conflict can be a growth opportunity. Moreover, it can provide a means to empowerment from the knowledge that maintain awareness and intention can be maintained in the face of problematic situations. In addition, power struggles can become opportunities to learn responsibility and to strengthen the social contract. In the next chapter we will examine how to work with difficult students, building on concepts from this chapter. If we take the position that difficult students must be punished and put in their place, we will be engaged in perpetual power struggles, and our efforts will not support the growth of the students toward more functional behavior.
Journal
Reflections
1. Recall the last power struggle you
observed. Did the teacher use the skills and processes recommended in this
chapter?
2. Reflect on the classes you have observed
that seem to be conflict-free. How did the teacher promote this condition?
Conversely, reflect on those classes that seemed to be mired in conflict on a
regular basis. How did the teacher contribute to the situation?
Chapter
Activities
1. In small groups, role play power struggle
scenarios. Have one member of the group take the role of the student who is
trying to hook the teacher into a power struggle, and one member take the role
of the teacher who is trying to guide the interaction to a positive outcome. It
will be helpful to pay attention to the steps suggested by Curwin and Mendler.
Some possible power struggle scenarios:
- Student
refuses to hand over an electronic device or phone (when there is a no
electronics policy in the class).
- Student
decides to insult the teacher in front of the class.
- Student
refuses to do work or to line up
- Student
refuses to put away materials
After the role play, have all members of the
group discuss what they would have done, and whether they felt the intervention
of the member taking the role of the teacher was effective and why.
2. The next time someone initiates conflict
with you, practice applying the skills outlined in the win-win conflict
resolution. Then reflect on the difference it makes in coming to a constructive
outcome.
3. Conduct
a web-quest related to conflict resolution programs. In your search engine, put
in the words “conflict resolution,” “school-wide,” or “classroom” and explore
some of the sites that outline successful programs. What do these programs have
in common?
4. In
your group, role-play the following conflict resolution situations. Choose
either the elementary or secondary scenario. Pick one member of your group to
be the teacher and two others to be students.
Elementary
Student
A comes to you and tells you that Student B has been pushing them. Student A is
crying. Student B quickly comes up to your desk and tells you that Student A
was pushing them too. Help guide the students through a conflict resolution
process.
Secondary
As
you approach one group in your class you can see that they are off track.
Student A tells you that Student B is not doing her job in the project. Student
B says that she is doing what she was told to do earlier, but now the group is
changing their minds. Student A laments that Student B is going to damage his
grade, and has been misrepresenting what he said. Student B is getting
defensive and threatens to give up and let the others do her part. Help guide
the students through the conflict to a more productive and amicable place.
REFERENCES
Batton, J. (2002)
Institutionalizing conflict resolution: The
Bluestien. J. (1999) 21st century discipline.
Curwin, R., and
Mendler, A. (1986) Discipline with Dignity.
Drew,
N. (2002) Hope and Healing: Peaceful
Parenting in an Uncertain World.
Emmer, E.T., &
Gerwels, M.C. (2006) Classroom management in Middle and High school classrooms.
In C.M. Evertson & C.S. Weinstein, (Eds.) Handbook of classroom management. (pp. 407-437).
Gordon.
T (2006) Teacher Effectiveness Training.
Johnson, D. W., &
Johnson, R. (1999). Learning together and
alone: Cooperative, competitive, and individualistic learning (4nd
ed.).
Johnson,
D.W., & Johnson, R.T. (2006) Conflict resolution, peer mediation, and
peacemaking. In
C.M. Evertson & C.S. Weinstein, (Eds.) Handbook
of classroom management. (pp. 803-832).
Myers,
Tolle,
Eckhart (1999) The Power of Now.
Namaste Publishing,